![]() “The only reason I’m fat is because a tiny body couldn’t store all this personality.” Ģ9. “If I’m a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you, it’s either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you, or I really hate you and don’t care if you know it. “You think I’m cute when I’m angry? Well get ready, because I’m about to be gorgeous.”Ģ7. “Oh, hey, kettle, I’m pot and wow, you’re black.” – Olivia Cunning, Tie MeĢ6. “Thanks for pretending not to see me when I was pretending not to see you in order to avoid a miserably awkward conversation that neither of us wanted to have.”Ģ5. “It’s better to be late than to arrive ugly.” – Marilyn MonroeĢ4. You do you! Whether you’re looking to tell it like it is, or offer someone a confusing truth about human behavior, these quotes to live by are sure to help you out. Breathing.” Smartass quotes to live byĭon’t let someone else dictate how you live your life. Don’t worry, I flushed and everything went back to normal.”Ģ2. ![]() “Today I saw something that reminded me of you. “When your ex says, ‘You’ll never find anyone like me’ reply with: ‘that’s the point.’”Ģ1. “I’m going back to living my fabulous life before you interrupted it to remind me that there are still assholes in this world.”Ģ0. “What’s a Queen without her King? Well, historically speaking, more powerful.”ġ9. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?”ġ8. “Thanks for dating someone ugly after we broke up.”ġ7. That’s the day when I take out the garbage.”ġ6. “You cross my mind only on Thursday morning. I do, however, want to set fire to all of your stuff.” ġ5. I don’t wish the best for you, nor do I want to find someone like you. “Unless you are a pizza, the answer is yes, I can live without you.” – Bill Murrayġ4. “You were my cup of tea, but I drink champagne now.”ġ3. “If you’re cooler than me, would that make me hotter than you?”ġ2. “Shut up with the back talk, because if I wanted lip from you, I’d sit on your face” – L.A. Want to know whether you should be kicking your lover to the curb? These smartass quotes about breakups are sure to help you out.ġ0. That’s when you’ll want to have an arsenal of coy, yet hilarious, comebacks ready in your back pocket. “When I feel down and someone tells me to ‘suck it up,’ I get the urge to break their legs with a baseball bat and then say ‘walk it off.’” Smartass quotes for breakups May I interest you in a sarcastic comment, instead?” – Chandler, Friends ĩ. “I love asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because I’m still looking for ideas.”Ĩ. You have to touch them all over before they respond. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.” Ħ. “God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.” – Robin Williamsĥ. “Face your problems, don’t Facebook them.”Ĥ. ![]() Some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. “Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. “I always say ‘Morning’ instead of ‘Good Morning,’ because if it was a good morning, I would still be in my bed and not talking to people.”Ģ. That’s where we come in! If you’re looking for a sassier way to go through life, these smartass quotes with advice are sure to help. Sometimes life leads you astray with no one to turn to. Learn them and you’ll never have that “I wish I’d said that” moment again! Smartass quotes with a dose of advice Friend making bad life choices? There’s a smartass quote for that.ĭon’t go through life unprepared! We’re giving you the best smartass quotes for life, breakups, comebacks, and general advice to live by. Nasty ex sniffing around? There’s a smartass quote for that. It’s these harrowing situations that wake you out of a sound sleep suddenly fresh with dozens of snappy one-liners you wish you would have said. Unfortunately, by that point, the opportunity is long gone. It’s not until an hour or two later that you come up with a one-liner to knock them off their feet. If you have ever been offended by someone with nothing but a gaping mouth and a figurative puff of smoke as a response, you know how tragic a lack of a comeback can feel. So what’s the most effective way to get out your frustrations while still coming off like the lovable stud/studette that you are? Smartass quotes. In fact, people love sarcasm, which makes it a great outlet to get all of that pent-up resentment out while slapping a smile on your face. It’s that love/hate thing that means you can’t stand them on one hand, but you find them hilarious on the other. ![]() A raised eyebrow can make all the differenceĮveryone loves a smartass, whether they want to admit it or not.
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